2010年5月28日 星期五

the most unforgettable event in my life

Remembering when I was doing the labor education at the first semester. While I was focusing on wiping the blackboard. There is no one stay in the class but me. Suddenly I heard a weird sound from the outside. At first I didn’t look it seriously. However someone still knocks the door rudely last for a long time. At first I thought some one just played a jock one me. Next, I heard a girl screamed loudly. Then I went out of the door and watched what happened. It really scared me that the building is shaking for a long time. Then I realized why the knock sound so loudly is caused by earthquake. At the next fifteen minutes I was very nervous about the earthquake will come again. Then I near the door closely. Because I fear I will be crush in the class. After a while nothing happened. Finally I left the school safely. What a wonderful day.
張貼者： 於

1 則留言:

  1. Ming Huei (John) Lin2010年5月31日 清晨7:49

    Hi Iris,

    The first half of this piece sounds like a haunted story. -_-''

    Well, you've done well on narrative writing style. Good job!

    Please revise the following mistakes, though.

    1. Remembering when I was doing the labor education at the first semester.
    改成: The most unforgettable event happened when I was doing the...

    2. While I was focusing on wiping the blackboard. There is no one stay in the class but me.
    這兩句要用逗號合起來
    is 的時態不對
    stay的動詞形態不對

    3. Suddenly I heard a weird sound from the outside.
    開始想鬼故事了

    4. At first I didn’t look it seriously.
    --> At first, I didn't take it serious.

    5. However someone still knocks the door rudely last for a long time.
    knock的時態不對
    你這句有雙動詞的問題, knock跟last

    6. At first I thought some one just played a jock one me.
    --> At first, I thought it was just someone playing a joke on me.

    7. Next, I heard a girl screamed loudly. Then I went out of the door and watched what happened.
    ...哈哈哈...是太遲鈍了還是...真的太專心在勞教了
    笑死我了

    8. It really scared me that the building is shaking for a long time.
    -->is時態不對

    9. Then I realized why the knock sound so loudly is caused by earthquake.
    -->Then I realized why there was such a loud knocking sound--it was caused by the earthquake.

    10. At the next fifteen minutes I was very nervous about the earthquake will come again.
    -->In the following fifteen minutes, I had been very nervous because I was afraid there might be aftershocks.

    11. Then I near the door closely. Because I fear I will be crush in the class.
    小妹妹, because用錯了喔!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    第二、near不是動詞, 你少了動詞

    12. After a while nothing happened. Finally I left the school safely. What a wonderful day.

    應該是What a terrible day吧! 哈

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