Every day when I wake up the first thing I have to do is doing the labor education. Waking up early and sweeping the toilet. Sweeping the toilet is fine, however why we have to do the labor education every day. Waking up early and doing labor education makes me feel tired and annoyed easily.
Although we can choose the time of labor education by ourselves, however is random selection. No matter which time you select, the result is totally different. Like me, I have chosen all the labor education at the noon; however I have to wake up early and arrive before 7:15. How difficult is it. According to the principal said, doing labor education can train us getting more responsible and make friends with different subject students. Nevertheless it’s worthless doing labor education every day. In my opinion I think we can take others school as a model. They do the labor education about two or three times a week. It’s easy and quite free at the same time we can also have experience from it. Not just like the slave doing the work all day and have the group leader checking the area where you sweep.
In my opinion with the appropriate labor education is fine. Yet, too much labor education to let us realize the meaning among it.
Hi Iris,
回覆刪除這一篇論述得很好，而且body paragraph的points有support的不錯:labor education可行但要適量
其他的文法問題如下你再改一下:
1. Every day when I wake up the first thing I have to do is doing the labor education.
when的子句跟子句點要有逗號
2.
Waking up early and sweeping the toilet.
這一行sentence fragment是屬於哪一句的??
3. Sweeping the toilet is fine, however why we have to do the labor education every day.
第一、因為你用however所以第一個逗號用分號較適
合，若用but則可以用逗號就好
第二、why的這一句請加入助動詞然後句尾標點符號改掉
4. Although we can choose the time of labor education by ourselves, however is random selection.
因你用了although, 所以however要去掉, 而is random沒有主詞喔
5. Like me, I have chosen all the labor education at the noon; however I have to wake up early and arrive before 7:15.
一、少了逗號
二、中間少了一句, 有看出來是少了什麼嗎?
6. How difficult is it. According to the principal said, doing labor education can train us getting more responsible and make friends with different subject students.
第一according to後少了個what
第二train後的getting動詞形式不對
第三 different subject students要改用關代的方式改寫
7. Nevertheless it’s worthless doing labor education every day.
你的linking word不適合, 請改掉
8. It’s easy and quite free at the same time we can also have experience from it.
這個論點很好
中間少了連接詞
9. Not just like the slave doing the work all day and have the group leader checking the area where you sweep.
checking的動詞形式不對
10 In my opinion with the appropriate labor education is fine. Yet, too much labor education to let us realize the meaning among it.
第一、為什麼加with?
第二、最後一句to let us是如何來的?
第三、realize the meaning among it是在說什麼?我不懂你在說什麼